Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
