I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
