The maid of honor just puked.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
