It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
