When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
