so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
