Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
