worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
