Nicole vs. Life
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
