Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
