I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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