dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
