I showed him my bush... on skype.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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