I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
