party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
