If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
