We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
