how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
