Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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