Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
