apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were trust falling into bushes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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