I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
