erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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