And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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