I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
