She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
