Yo dont text me then not text me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
