I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
