I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
