There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
