i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
