nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
