Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
