Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
