i already hear my dad disowning me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
