We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
