so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
