Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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