Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
