I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
