"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In America we eat man semen.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
