If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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