Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
