just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
