Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
