Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
