Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
