Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
