why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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