I'm so fucking centered right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
